Wedding, Intimate Wedding, or Elopement
Let’s talk about wedding planning for a second.
As someone who just got engaged in October of 2022 and is actively planning my own wedding, I feel like there are a few things I am learning along the way that only someone who is or has planned a wedding would know.
There are so many questions that occur after you announce your engagement, obviously.
“When is the wedding?”
“Do you have a venue picked out?”
“Have you sent out save the dates?”
“I am invited aren’t I?”
Etc. etc. etc.
If you are feeling confused, conflicted, and maybe a little frustrated by the daunting task of scheduling your wedding day and keeping a face for all of these well meant questions, this is the blog for you. We are going to break down the difference between a “traditional wedding”, an “intimate wedding”, and an elopement. We will take a look at the advantages and an estimated price tag for each of these different options.
“Traditional Wedding”
A traditional wedding will have around 120 guests. You can expect these weddings to be in a home town, and include primary family members, extended family, family friends, and possibly childhood friends. In a wedding with this many guests, you will need to consider if “hosting” is an important value to you or not. If you are the sort of person, who likes to host family dinners, game nights, and house parties, this might be a great option for you. If you are the one who likes to sit in the corner and play with the dog at the aforementioned events, this might not be the option for you.
These weddings are a great option for those who really value:
Tradition
Family (especially including extended family)
Religion
While these are all factors that could possibly influence your decision, they don’t all have to. You could really value family, but chose an elopement because you have always dreamed of running through a castle in Scotland with your lover. You could also not value religion all that much, but chose to get married in a church because of the architecture and the stained glass.
In the tips and tricks I have seen in my research and in the advice I have heard, many people will tell you that your wedding shouldn’t turn into a family reunion. Your wedding day should be about you and your fiancé. I think that your wedding should absolutely become a family reunion, if that is what you chose for it to be. If you want to be surrounded by as many of your kin as possible while you say your “I dos” go for it!
Let’s circle back to my opening anecdote. If your reaction to the enthusiastic questions mentioned above is excitement, answers for every question, and “of course you are invited!”, this option is great for you!
Pricing:
Something to keep in mind about a “traditional wedding” is the price. As per theknot.com you can expect to pay $256 per guest in the year of 2023. They don’t break this figure down into an itemized list of what they used to calculate that number. I don’t think it is necessary to personally calculate the cost per guest of your specific wedding, but using this as an average could be beneficial when deciding the maximum number of guests you are willing to host at your wedding. Using the $256 estimate for a 120 guest wedding, you are looking at an estimated cost of $30,720 as a baseline price for your wedding.
Things to consider when calculating the price per guest:
Price of venue divided by the number of guests present (make sure to get a headcount from your vendors as well)
Price of food and drink divided by number of guests present (if you would like, knowing a headcount of vendors for this is kind as well)
If you are renting dishes, dish-ware, tables and chairs, this could also be calculated in this figure.
Take into account if you are allowing for plus ones, and children.
This is the baseline for your wedding that doesn’t include a wedding dress, a tuxedo, florals, bridesmaids and groomsmen’s attire, photography, etc.,
Helpful Vendors:
Naturally, vendors that are helpful to your wedding will depend on what is important to you and how much you are willing to do yourself, but here is a list of vendors to consider.
Venue
Bridal Boutique (wedding dress)
Haberdashery (tuxedo or men’s wear)
Hair Stylist (For you and possibly your bridal party)
Makeup Artist (For you and possibly your bridal party)
Wedding/events planner
Caterer
Baker (wedding cake and/or desserts for your guests)
Florist (Bouquets, boutonnieres, centerpieces and/or decorations)
Photographer and/or Videographer
DJ
Wedding/Events Rental (tables, chairs, silverware, dishes, glasses, etc.)
Bartender
“Intimate Wedding”
An “intimate wedding” will have roughly 60 or less guests. You can likely expect immediate and some extended family at a wedding this size, but maybe not random cousins and family friends. As I am sure you might have found by now, it can be hard to narrow down a guest list even when just including family. There is always the fear of someone getting offended and no one wants to actively make anyone feel left out. Depending on the wedding you envision for yourself there are a few ways to make this problem a little easier to navigate:
Venue Capacity
Destination Wedding
Setting a “qualification system” and sticking with it
Venue Capacity:
If you are wanting an “intimate wedding” with roughly 60 or less guests, pick a venue that doesn’t allow for more than what you are envisioning for your wedding. This physical limitation will make it easier for you to stick to your goal and easier for you to tell your “not guests”, “This is my dream venue and it just won’t fit my third cousin and his plus one that he has been talking to for a month.”
Destination Wedding:
Maybe you are choosing to have a smaller wedding party so you can go somewhere glamorous, meaningful, or new for your wedding. Similar to the venue capacity note, there are only so many people you can fly to Cabo, Mexico unless you are Simone Biles. Double that up with the allusion of a limiting venue capacity and you’re golden.
“Qualification System”:
It can be really hard to narrow down your guest list even if there isn’t pressure coming from outside your thoughts. I was talking to one of my friends about her intimate wedding and she told me she created a “qualification system” of sorts and really tried to stick with it.
You can see images from her intimate back yard wedding here.
A qualification system can look different for everyone, but here are a few different questions you can ask yourself to narrow down the qualifications.
Would I regret not having this person attending my wedding?
Has this person been positively influential to my growth as a person or my relationship with my partner?
Have I talked to this person in the last year or more?
The qualification system can be as simple as only inviting immediate family, grandparents, great-grandparents, and aunts and uncles. If someone doesn’t fit that description, don’t send them an invitation.
Pricing:
Keeping the $256 estimate per guest, you are looking at an estimate of $15,360 for an intimate wedding party of 60 guests. Depending on which vendors you pick and how many vendors from this list below pertain to your wedding, that could increase or decrease.
Helpful Vendors:
The helpful vendors for an intimate wedding don’t have to be much different than a traditional wedding, they just are for a smaller head count.
Venue
Bridal Boutique (wedding dress)
Haberdashery (tuxedo or men’s wear)
Hair Stylist (For you and possibly your bridal party)
Makeup Artist (For you and possibly your bridal party)
Wedding/events planner
Caterer
Baker (wedding cake and/or desserts for your guests)
Florist (Bouquets, boutonnieres, centerpieces and/or decorations)
Photographer and/or Videographer
DJ
Wedding/Events Rental (tables, chairs, silverware, dishes, glasses, etc.)
Bartender
Elopements
I like to break elopements down into two categories:
adventure elopements
courthouse elopements
Elopements can include anywhere from you and your witnesses to upwards of 10-15 guests. Let’s break down the difference between adventure elopements and courthouse elopements specifically pertaining to where I am located, Northwest Wyoming.
Adventure Elopements
Elopements (specifically what I have assigned as adventure elopements) certainly grew in popularity during 2019 and the following year or two. While we might have be choosing these as a solution to social distancing and venues having to close their doors, this has always been a beautiful option in Wyoming. In a state with so much beauty and people living very closely with the land around them, it only makes sense that they would want to incorporate that into their wedding day.
Northwest Wyoming is full of beautiful places to elope. It houses a majority of Yellowstone National Park wich was the first national park ever established. It also has at least six mountain ranges that are uniquely extravagant. From the geysers, thermal pools, and enormous lakes in Yellowstone, to the beautiful waterfalls, winding rivers, and diverse landscape everywhere else, there is a setting for every outdoor lover. The Rocky Mountains engulf much of Wyoming and includes some of these ranges as well as the Grand Tetons and the Big Horn Mountains which are talked about in more detail in my blog below.
You can learn more about four of these mountain ranges in another blog I wrote here.
Pricing:
The estimate used in previous examples won’t work so well for the elopement options.
Helpful Vendors:
The helpful vendors for an adventure elopement can be very simplified.
Bridal Boutique (wedding dress): $500-$4200
Haberdashery (tuxedo or men’s wear): ~$500
Hair Stylist (For you): ~$150
Makeup Artist (For you): ~$150
Florist (Bouquets, boutonnieres): ~$250-$300
Photographer and/or Videographer: ~$2,000-$10,000
You can expect to have an adventure elopement for a cost range between $3,550-$15,300. Depending on what vendors you choose, their expertise, and the location you choose, the price can vary. An adventure elopement can be a cheaper option to a traditional wedding, or it could be an amazing experience that you invest in. Make sure to note that National Parks might require you purchase specific permits to hold any sort of wedding ceremony within the parks. A Wyoming marriage license is $30 as well.
Courthouse Elopements
Courthouse Elopements are the perfect way to tie the knot with a simplified list of things to do.
At the very least:
Apply for a marriage license and make sure to receive it within a year of your wedding date.
Pick a day that is open for the courthouse (this will be a weekday in almost every case).
Choose someone to perform the marriage ceremony (courthouses will sometimes provide a list of people who can do this), or you won’t have to pick and they will provide you with someone.
Pick two witnesses that are 18+ (or one witness and a photographer ;P).
Dress as dressy or casual as you would like.
Get married to your lover and celebrate however you would like to afterwards!
Courthouse elopements, while being a simple alternative to a traditional wedding, do NOT have to be perceived as anything less than a traditional wedding. These are perfect for people who want to have a private ceremony, a ceremony at the beginning of their honeymoon travels, or to just not have to feel the pressure of all of details of a traditional wedding resting on their shoulders for months before their vows. I encourage my couples to treat this with just as much care and love as a traditional wedding, with less stress and planning. If you have always pictured yourself in a wedding dress decorated with lace sleeves and a long train, you can have that and a courthouse elopement!
Helpful Vendors:
The helpful vendors for courthouse elopements can be very simplified.
Bridal Boutique (wedding dress): $500-$4200
Haberdashery (tuxedo or men’s wear): ~$500
Hair Stylist (For you): ~$150
Makeup Artist (For you): ~$150
Florist (Bouquets, boutonnieres): ~$250-$300
Photographer and/or Videographer: ~$1,000-$5,000
Once again the price will vary based off the vendors you choose. There can be variance in vendor pricing based off of expertise, availability, location, etc, but you can expect a range of $2,550-$10,300 for a courthouse elopement including these vendors.
A note about courthouse elopements:
You may or may not get to pick your officiant- don’t be afraid to ask the courthouse if they do not specify.
You may or may not get to say personalized vows during the ceremony.
Each courthouse will have their own limitation on the number of guests that can be present.
These will likely occur on a weekday.
They can be as fast as 10-15 minutes!
Marriage Requirements for the State of Wyoming
Getting married in Wyoming is as simple as applying and obtaining a Wyoming Marriage License, performing a unity ceremony with an officiant qualifying under 20-1-106 of the Wyoming Statutes (listed below) and two witnesses, and returning the marriage license within 10 days after the ceremony to receive your marriage certificate.
A Wyoming Marriage License must be obtained within a year before the ceremony date (There is an expiration date on marriage licenses).
To obtain a marriage license at least one person must apply for the license. Both parties must be present when receiving this license and must be present with a photo ID (ie. drivers license, passport, military ID, or tribal ID).
Applicants must be 18 years or older with exceptions that can be found in the statutes linked below (second link in “citations and useful links”).
Be ready to list your full name, current physical address (this has to be a physical address), state or foreign country of birth, date of birth, parents' names and mother's maiden name, state or foreign country where parents were born, divorce decree or death certificate if previously married.
It is recomended to apply for a marriage license at least 3 months before the ceremony. Once you have been approved for your marriage license, you can follow the procedure listed in the bulletin points above to obtain the license as late as the day of your wedding. The license will need to be returned within 10 days of the ceremony with your two witnesses and officiant’s signatures so you can receive your marriage certificate.
With every wedding that occurs in Wyoming, you must obtain a Wyoming marriage license, have two witnesses of at least 18 years or older, and an officiant. The excerpt from Title 20 of the Wyoming Statutes lists the qualifications for the officiant and the marriage ceremony.
20-1-106. Who may solemnize marriage; form of ceremony.
(a) Every district or circuit court judge, district court commissioner, supreme court justice, magistrate and every licensed or ordained minister of the gospel, bishop, priest or rabbi, or other qualified person acting in accordance with the traditions or rites for the solemnization of marriage of any religion, denomination or religious society, may perform the ceremony of marriage in this state.
(b) In the solemnization of marriage no particular form is required, except that the parties shall solemnly declare in the presence of the person performing the ceremony and at least two (2) attending witnesses that they take each other as husband and wife.